The title of the poem is a not-so-subtle jab at Foosana and “The Bad Bean Backup Band.” After all she had put us through, we didn’t even care if the judges recognized the dig.
[audio:http://www.misterlemur.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/09-Bad-Bean-master2.mp3|titles=Bad Bean Defect]
“We’ve got five minutes, let’s rehearse it one more time,” I yelled, after we finished another pass through the song.
Silky pulled out a recorder. “Let’s track this one – for when they do a TV special about us winning!”
Lyrics for Bad Bean Defect
After snacking on beans
I began to suspect,
that these beans contained some
kind of bad bean defect.
My stomach expanded,
my eyes got quite wide.
It felt like a hot spring
was gurgling inside
my belly, my gut,
or whatever you’d call it.
It’s about to explode
and I’d like to forestall it.
This pain is not normal,
and please understand,
it feels like I’ve swallowed
a whole marching band.
They’re playing four trumpets,
two horns, a trombone,
and the band leader’s shouting
through his megaphone.
They marched past my kidney
to my large intestine,
if you know how to silence them,
yell the suggestion!
My mom called the doc
who said, “Give him some Tums.
That should help silence
the horns and the drums.”
And the doctor was right,
and the band went on break
and my stomach returned
to just a dull ache.
So surely by now
you must know what this means…
next time I am hungry…
I won’t eat three cans of beans!
This pain is not normal,
and please understand,
it feels like I’ve swallowed
a whole marching band.